At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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