I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize