This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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