My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize