look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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