The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize