When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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