Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize