not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize