Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He did a backflip because drugs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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