i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You pole danced in your parka.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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