Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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