I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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