We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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