if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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