You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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