i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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