Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize