I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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