I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize