Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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