She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize