I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize