did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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