I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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