How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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