paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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