you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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