Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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