Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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