Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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