i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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