Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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