I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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