I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
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I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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