I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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