IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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