Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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