apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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