11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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