About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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