I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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