There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize