just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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