I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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