he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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