I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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