I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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