I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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