Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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